stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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