so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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