halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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