stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
