Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
