M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
