We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
