i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
