i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
