I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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