I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
