Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
