i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
