508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
