just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
