then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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