When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
