textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
