Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
