Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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