remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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