Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
