SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
