Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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