yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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