If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
