I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
