I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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