She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
