She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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