How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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