So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
