Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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