Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
