At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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