Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
