and she was petting her beer can
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
