You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
