I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
