so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
