I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
