he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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