he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
