I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
