that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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