Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
