mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
