it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
