Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
