I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
