just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
