My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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